Questions are the Key To Offshore Marriage

Finding a spouse by email can be an emotionally charged event as is evident as one reads through the lines in our eBook ?Marriage by (e)Mail?. Some readers tend to pour their hearts out once they believe they have found the beloved of their dreams.

But one also has to marry the world of hope with the world of reality by really getting to know who they are communicating with. The keys are listening, asking the right questions, and knowing what type of questions to ask. Here we will deal with the last part: type.

Professional communicators and psychologists suggest ?question types? such as the following to learn if the person on the other end of the emails is really thinking the way you think they are, before the amour goes too far or you go into heavy travel expenses only to find the reality does not measure up to the billings.

Open Questions: ?What do you think about the US involvement in Iraq?? might seem a bit dramatic to open an email conversation, but political, cultural and emotional feelings do enter into relationships short term and long. You may wish to temper it down to ?What do you think makes the perfect marriage?? But the real beauty of this type of open ?What?s Your View? question is the recipient can?t give you a ?Yes? or a ?No?!

What they, or you if you get the question, will have to do is express your views, which lets the other party really get to know you. If they are evasive, and say ?I don?t know? or ?I don?t have an opinion?, you?ve also learned something. Will they really be open with you in real life, or sidestep every key question? Are they just looking for a pass into the US?

Mirror Questions: If you ask a question like ?How important do you think family relationships are to a successful marriage?? and they come back with, ?I don?t know! What do you think?? they are either being truthful, or smart enough to throw the ball back into your court with a mirror question. But that allows you to still come back with ?Let?s discuss it!? and opens the door to really getting into the matter, and perhaps really getting to know one another.

Or their mirror answer might simply be ?Relationships??, as if they don?t understand what you are talking about. This too turns around the situation, but again might open up the discussions.

Closed Questions: ?Do you have addictions?? The responder basically has to answer ?Yes? or ?No?, or he or she might give you an evasive answer which tells you something again: Why is he/she being evasive? Does the person have an addiction problem?

Many Russian women, as shown in our first eBook ?Marriage by (e)Mail?, are against alcoholism. They often even state so in their postings, because there is such a high incidence of this problem in their culture. Read the book: you?ll see what is meant. Each culture has prejudices or leanings you should talk about.

Another question in this category is: ?Do you like older men or younger?? In the book, you?ll also discover in some cultures some women expect to marry a much older man, as their tradition is to marry success and maturity, as well as for love.

False Questions: ?I think the Sex Pistols punk rock band with its loud funky music is the greatest on the globe. Do you agree?? That may send a shocker at the other end, especially if you like classic, but it will be interesting to see what they think and how they respond. If they don?t, you can always send a ?Ha-Ha? email next time you send one, and say you truly do like classical, name the composers, and see their reaction.

And yes, you might originally get back an explosive ?Are you crazy??, but that?s a part of getting to know one via email. Do they stand up for their views; tell you what they really think? You may want to know.

Search and Find Questions: If you really want to know if the person?s picture you are looking at on the web is really him or her, outdated, or borrowed, this question takes a bit of research. Use the Internet to find out about recent events or soon to come events in the person?s city or area.

Tell them you?d really like to see some photos of X event, and?of course?would like to see him or her close-up in the photo. That?s probably going to rule out more borrowed photos, or outdated photos, and you might see who you are really dealing with.

Many other types of questions exist. Use your imagination to discover the ones you really want to ask. They might be the key to true honesty, and a lasting relationship. But any communicator or psychologist will tell you almost all questions start with either: Who, What, When, Where, Why or How?

Painful as some of the answers might be when you think you have found the perfect mate, the time to ask them is up front before you get too involved and suffer emotional pain when you realize you must end the email relationship, or before you invest hard-earned dollars in physical trips to get to know one another


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